Often we're defined by those around us. We don't really take that time to decide who we are. It's even more strong in a relationship simply because we change to suit those that we want to get love from. It's one of the core things we do as human beings - because love is one of the essential needs. As a baby, if you didn't get love, you would die. There's even a name for it - Failure to Thrive syndrome.
So sometimes you have to take the time to understand who you are, or who you want to be. Away from that relationship that might be strangling you, and away from people who might be bringing you down.Away from negative experiences that you might be holding on to - and using as evidence that you're clumsy, or awkward, or have bad luck - that stop you moving forward.
Its like when you go into a supermarket hungry without a list. You end up with your shopping cart full of stuff, and you didn't make an informed decision about whether you actually wanted it in the first place. And then there's no room for the good stuff!
So its important to take some time to be reflective and understand what identity you've given yourself and whether it's getting you what you want. You are not a half that is only whole with another half. And you are are more than any moment.
Become self defined, and retain your own identity in a relationship. Don't lose yourself in a relationship and it will get even stronger. It also helps you stop going into 'role play' mode, where you might become 'mother' which is a turn off, or 'child' which is even more of a turn off (for more info on that - google 'transactional analysis - very interesting!).
As I've quoted before 'a man marries a woman for the woman was when they met, a woman marries a man for his potential'. Don't forget who you are - or who you want to become.
Read more about this here
No comments:
Post a Comment