Annoying Behaviour

My boyfriend used to do this annoying thing on the phone.

I would say, I need to go now as it’s getting late. And then straight after I had said it, he’d say ‘honey I think I need to go as it’s getting late’.

I couldn’t understand it – as I’d suddenly feel like I had been keeping him up, even though I was the first person who mentioned we needed to hang up.

I’d always say ‘I just said that!’ but it didn’t change his behaviour – it was REALLY annoying!

Until something my dad taught me.

My dad said, when someone does a behaviour that’s annoying, give it a label. That way you’re educating them on what it is without having to use many words to describe it. Plus it adds a hint of humour to it.

Case in point: I gave my boyfrien’ds behavour the label of ‘STO’. This stood for Stating the Obvious. So the next time he did it – I told him he’d done an STO. The language i used was important – by saying ‘Oh you’ve just done an STO’ in a very matter of fact voice, it sounded like I had been using that label for years, and my tone of voice assumed that it was annoying behaviour.

It was also important that he then had to ask me what I meant – which meant he was paying attention as well as receptive to it. When I explained it – he laughed. And in laughing, he remembered it.

Then the next time he did it – he actually identified it himself. When the words ‘Oh no- I’ve done an STO’ came out of HIS mouth, I realthough ‘there’s something to this…’

I would tell you what he said the third time around, but actually he’s not done it since….it seems the label was much more effective than what I’d been doing before.

So to recap:

1. Give annoying behaviour a label

2. The next time they do the behaviour – introduce the label. eg: ‘Oh you just did a (insert label).

3. Make sure it’s not something they aspire to – ie: OH GREAT! Ive just done an STO. Make sure your tone has an inaudible ‘groan’ after it, so that it’s not a label that your man wants to be associated with.

Right, I now must go and find a label for not wanting to ask for directions and leaving the toilet seat up…